Feeling lousy and demoralised

Just feeling a little lousy and demoralised today... just received or just seen the Vienna tour orchestra results:



Sorry to those who have been hoping that i can go Vienna.. Thanks for your goodwill and well wishes.. but I am not selected for this trip.. sorry ppl... no Austrian chocolates, Mozart's souvenirs, no visiting of many great composers birthplace.. no chance to play in vienna's concert hall...

I realise how does one feel when you are the only one in your section not being selected for a competition or tour.

This is how it goes:
15 Violist in SNYO:

2 ppl dont want to go (on their own accord)
13 ppl competiting to go vienna,
9 ppl confirmed going (without having to audition)
4 ppl have to go for audition

Results of audtion, out of the 4 ppl:
1 confirmed going, 2 ppl not confirmed going, unless the management manage to raise funds for these ppl to go (these ppl names are in the tour list), 1 ppl dont even have a chance to dream about going.. (meaning, name not even in the list)

Unfortunately, i am the one who dont even have the chance to dream about going.. If you are in my shoes, how would u feel? maybe it's better for me to reject the audition in the first place... maybe i should not have practised hard for the audition... cause it's much more disappointing when u find yourself in a situation where all your efforts do not pay off.

Maybe i am not good enough... maybe i am a bad violist... maybe music is not for me???

Seriously, i have been struggling to do well in music.. of course... we cannot be content with a little achievement we have in music... coz there is always someone who is better than you are... yes, i do love music.. and would want to pursue a career in this field... but seriously, the path is rocky and tough...

sometimes i do admire those ppl who are born in a musical family... in fact, i notice that most famous musicians have a musical family background... and that those ppl who are the first generation of musician in the family usually struggle... yes.. my parents know nuts about music.. oh well.. maybe my father, who only knows how to strum a guitar... rather amateur guitarist...

question is: is the struggle worthwhile?

Feeling very disappointed (maybe i shouldnt) and demoralised now...