Alphonsus is dead.

Sometimes you would wonder, what fate has done to you...

I have changed a little ever since i entered ACJC... I no longer used to be the anti-social Alphonsus. I have learnt to be more approachable and open. I don't know if my anti social period is due to the fact that i was from Dunman High... where everyone seems to be much more conservative.. ( i think it is also because of Kiw...).. Yes, i usually dont socialise myself in sec 1 to 4 with the rest of the ppl from other classes except for the ppl whom i know especially those from DHS String Ensemble and also mep.

I think is due to the fact that i lack self-confidence. I got rejected many times. I have been a victim of many criticism and insult. People make fun of me behind my back, calling me names such as a wimp and much more worse names in AC and dhs. Sometimes i did ask myself, "why am i so ugly-looking?", "why do i have such a curly hair?", "why can't i have a presentable or maybe a good looking face where everyone likes you at first sight?" I dont really like looking at my ugly self on the mirror. It just disgust me! I just hate the way i look, but there is nothing i could do. As a result, i do not like going out to meet new people. I did try my best to avoid the void deck as much as possible.

However, for now, i no longer blame myself for having such an ugly face. Maybe i am immune to the mean comments now. Ugly people have to work very hard on their inner beauty to replace their disadvantage in appearence. There was once i bought ice cream in AC.. (think the ice cream amount collected is to raise fund for basketball funds?).. i bought a cup of ice cream and ordered a single scoop of ice cream for 1 buck. and the girl (sorry, i dont know your name) decided to give me an extra scoop for free, reason given "you are a nice guy". That actually gave me a perspective that if an ugly person works on their personality, they will be liked too. No doubt, ugly people will have difficulty chasing a girl or finding a partner, coz most people will only reject you saying "i like you as a good friend" in order not to hurt our feelings (some extreme cases or people who really treasure you as a good friend will start crying, feeling sad/ bad <-- ah well, i have experience this before when i got rejected and the person start feeling rather bad and started crying... at least that shows how much u mean to them.)

Of course, i must admit that i am no angel. i am not perfect. i am not perfectly nice. i have my own weaknesses. But one thing i can promise my true friends is that you have my sincerity.. coz i have always believed in using sincerity to touch ppl's life.

To be continued...